3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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