They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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