Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
