the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
