we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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