I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
His hands were made for my vagina.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
