She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
