Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
