I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
