so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
