Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
