gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
