just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
