Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
