mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
