Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
