Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize