my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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