The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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