note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
