Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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