I love watching others lives come down to our level.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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