I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
