i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
