I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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