So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
