rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
