Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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