did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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