dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
