At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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