if you like me you must not know who I am
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
