Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
