no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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