when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
