If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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