It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
