I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
