I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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