I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
