if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
