im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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