Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
