Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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