Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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