and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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