I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
