you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
