ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
