The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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