I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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