Kiss
Puke
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
where does the pee come out of this thing
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
