You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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