honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize