My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
