Cold hands, warm shart.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
my liver is dry heaving
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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