you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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