My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
