Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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