I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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