the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
