Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
