i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize