we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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