3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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