First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
