She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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