i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's shark week go big or go home
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize