I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
