i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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