how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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