I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize