I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
