I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you win again, gameday.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
