Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
