Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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