The best revenge is premature balding
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
