We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So many bounce houses so little time
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
