I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This is not my ceiling
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
