Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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