What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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