a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
