i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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