Ambien. No doubt about it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
