I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
