all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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