i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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